10 Basic Rules for a Bear Bar
, 09 @ 10:09:41 EDT
Αποστολέας Bruin
I'm not a "bar person". Never have been. So it was a bit of a stretch for me to visit a Bear bar while on vacation a couple weeks ago. Having no real goal or objective, I took the opportunity to study the Bears in their natural habitat, and came away with a few observations:
1) The basic T-shirt color is Black. This is not only slimming, it hides beer and food stains.
2) Cowboy boots may look hot, but since bar stools are at a pemium, you'll be on your feet a LOT, so wear sensible shoes. Sneakers are always good, workboots are fine. If you MUST go western, opt for lace-up ropers.
3) The rumors are wrong. Being the "fresh meat" in the bar does NOT guarantee that you will be the instant center of attention. This has NOTHING to do with my hometown "Troll" status and is NOT just sour grapes. It's NOT!
4) Number 3 above is true for a number of reasons, the first being, "There are Bears, and there are BEARS." The sad truth is, there is a pecking order, and most of us are not at the top. Part of this is because....
5) Bears, or at least Bar Bears are a shallow lot. They have short attention spans and are attracted to pretty things, be it jewelry, the latest frost and tip, or the new bartender who looks JUST LIKE the Marlborough Man. Because of this, it's best to...
6) Find a ring leader and introduce yourself to him. He will not be the best-looking man in the room, but he will be the one who seems to know EVERYBODY. Don't be surprised if he also forgets your name immediately, swears undying devotion to you, and abandons you as soon as one of his very BEST friends wanders into his sphere of influence (See #5 above).
7) Make it known that you're a newbie. This will not only make you FASCINATING for a brief period (Rule #5 again), but may actually earn you a few perks. I got a free beer from a kind bartender, and was included in a round of shots while being introduced around.
It pays to circulate. Rule #5 being what it is, your novelty status within one group may wear off quickly, so you may have to find various ring leaders for different groups. Even if you don't find a ring leader, it doesn't hurt to meet a few people.
9) Try new things. I think it's safe to say that Bear bars are generally safe havens and the fellows are friendly people ready to greet you with a smile, a hug and maybe a friendly tweak. Give them a chance to extend their natural hospitality.
10) Surprises happen...let them. While odds are not great that you'll meet Mr. Right (or at least Mr. Right Now), it COULD happen. As long as you don't make getting laid your chief priority, you open yourself to having a great time, with no expectations....and isn't that why one goes to a bar in the first place?