I agree with you there. Too bad it seems more to be relegated to the realm of theoretical or ideal rather than reality. Yes, it would be nice if we as humans could start to focus on commonalities rather than what makes us different but hey, that would be far too simple now wouldn't it be!

Humans, people, mandkind or whatever has never been known for making things simple. Again it is our very nature to complicate matters. There are some that can see the simple way and do it, but they are few and far between.
As a whole most people are followers. If the ones that they are following are showing displeasure the followers will do the same (lemmings).
We would probably find the ideal world rather boring. We do focus on commonalities, that is why we have groups, and clubs, etc. We also focus on what makes us different ( ie. better) than the other group. This is why you have countries, states, communities, clubs, groups, teams, etc. We bond with sameness and shun difference. This is also tribalism.
It is too bad that the "Bear Community" is not the inclusive group that it started out as. But it is made up of humans and will be just like all other groups. We focus on our commonality.

Here here, and that's all anyone can really ask for: focus on commonalities and start treating each other with the respect that is earned and deserved.

i don't think this site is exclusive...

open for all

Manny, That is what makes this site so unique.
It is not focused on the Look, but on the person. It is impossible to keep the sex part out of the equation on any gay site, that, by its very definition, is what the site is about. By deiemphasizing the sex part and emphasizing the people part you have built a site that is more inclusive.
If someone is looking just for sex they have lots of places to go. (see my reply in other sites topic). Here they can carry on discussions and look at recipes, and generally interact on a more human level not in a sexual rut.

well to be a group you have to have those that aren't part of the group.

but i think the trouble comes when bears define themselves on looks or body types, not on attitude.

one of the more positive parts of the bear community was not only that it was accepting and willingness to be accepting of others, but also the general feel good, at ease disposition and unreconstructed, natural masculinity (as as apposed to the gross carractures most guys go for like "straight acting" or "real men")

so i don't think the problem is with that its setting the boundary's of whats acceptable to be a bear.
its setting them only on looks not who a person is, which is the problems that mainstream gay culture suffers from

I think each man comes to define his idea of "Bear" in a nuanced way, once you get past the stereotype - fat and hairy.
(that stereotype has changed over the years, as bears wax/wane fashion-wise)

The 1970s was really the time for Bears, since a lot of men looked like what Bears idealize. Beards were commonplace, as was plaid, and smoking, and beer-drinking.
As time progressed, things got more hairy: the AIDS crisis, which still rages, killed a lot of men who were just wonderful. That was our 1980s. Some of us continued hunting and gathering. I met a bear for a relationship: not looking for a "Bear." He is a professor who has a beard - still. (and we are friends now)
1990s seems to be troubled for the Bear Ideal. For me, it seemed to become more and more idealized into something you were or you were not. (Which is not, "come as you are.")
Drugs became a part of the sexual liberation movement, namely methamphetamine. The old guard who did not use will be repulsed. The middle-agers, like me have probably had our experiences, and the young are in danger right now.
"Bear" may mean "safe" for some men. It may mean "role model" for others. It may mean "Tom of Finland" for others.
For me, not being an easy "type," it meant I could go to a so-called leather/CW bar and find someone to talk to easily. "Bear" for me means "easier to talk to" than your average gay man.

The small stuff like anti-perfume, pro-sweat, hankies, and beer-guts may add up to something for some men, but it is not what we see on the streets much, anymore.
The Castro has a few hold-outs, as does Folsom Street.

Most "Bears" don't even know they are "Bears," I think. My ex- who is so bear-like he could have won contests, never once identified with "woof woof woof!" He was more of a radically left politcal sociologist with a love for a guy, well, like me. He liked my beard, and demeanor.

I used to read Bear Magazine, and I think it might have helped "calcify" the notion of who's in and who's out. I used to pore over the classifieds.

I know that I am not going to drive a truck anymore, live on a farm again, and that I have my HIV limitations. But in my loins, I still get warm when I see a beard: and that, at least gets my attention.

Does anyone think Walt Whitman would have been a "Bear?"

Peace,
Sylvester

The only thing I have to add is this: There are a lot of people out there who try to be different from everyone else, expressing their own individualality. What a lot of them fail to realize, is that upon seperating themselves from other groups and sterotypes, they themselves become apart of a group: a group of people who try to be different from everyone else! *laughs*.

I say this because I have a cousin who does some of the weirdest things just to be "different". Like, he almost never can eat anything plain or normal. He always has to mix it with some weird stuff. A hot dog with chili, mustard, ketchup, relish, and other traditional ingredients isn't enough for him. He'd have to add some pepper to it, or some bacon bits, or anything else he could find in the fridge. Another example would be eating a bowl of cereal. If you have two types of cereal, he'll mix em up, just to be "different." Of course, he never admits that he's doing it to be different. I'm just assuming this. I could be totally wrong... since I can't read his mind.

But anyways... I'm sure you guys have run into people like that. See, the thing is, even though he may not realize it, he is fitting into a group of people around the world who are trying to do the same thing: be different from everyone else. And in doing so, they themselves become apart of a group, which is contrary to their original motive.

Does that make sense? Or was I speaking jibberish?

Just thought I'd add that tid-bit in.