Something thats been bugging me is why are so many bears shy? Seems quite a few are afraid to come out of the woods.

I never used to be shy, but I guess I've been intimidated by sheer odds of meeting other bears randomly. Unless I go to a bear or gay bar there's the chance I'm wrong. I don't go to bars because I don't really know what to expect. Am I right in assuming most people who go to bars are there to pick a guy up for the night?

If I'm looking for a relationship I guess I question whether or not I'll find that by flirting with a random guy or by picking someone up at a bar. I'm not saying it's not possible, I'm just saying it's hard for me to do those things when I can't convince myself I'll get what I want out of it. So yeah, that pretty much leaves me the option of being shy. :P

The only way to answer your question, "Am I right in assuming most people who go to bars are there to pick a guy up for the night?", Is to say yes and no. People go to a gay bar for two reasons, three if you count drinking. To meet other men and to meet their friends. Usualy both at the same time.
Now I am shy myself, painfuly so at times, but if you don't go to where the bears are you will never meet them. Like the man said, "if you don't bet you can't win." So go to a bear bar or bear event. If nothing else the eye candy is fun

Boy this sure is a tough question. So i'm gonna reply as it relates to me. I am shy because
1) i'm big (large frame, big belly, etc.),
2) I wear a beard/goatee,
3) I have a deep voice,
4) I'm self-conscious of my size,
5) I really want to go up and talk to that cute guy at the bar, but "what if he rejects me?,"
6) I don't like to be rejected
7) I am not buffed, tanned, toned or hung - but I do have a nice dick I'm told! (see, someone ELSE had to affirm that I am "male enough".

so, these are my reasons about why shy. what are yours?????

Isn't it interesting? A lot of us seek out the Bear Community in search of other's who will accept us as we are, yet we are still so self conscious that we put up walls even among friends.

Personally, I think it is easy to get in a comfortable zone and breaking free is very difficult. Meeting new people is difficult already, but if you are not happy with how your body looks in the buff, it is difficult to expect other's to like it.

I think the reason why some of us bears are so self concious it the simple fact that "society" does not accept a big man. We have been given the cold shoulder for so long that even when we are among others who are like us we cannot accept the fact that we are no different than any one else. The so called ideal man is the tall dark and handsome guy with the 32 inch waist, blond hair, and six pac abs. I personally am very happy with my partner who is definately the so called ideal man. He has a cute belly and a heart of gold. I wouldn't trade him for any one else and have been with him for over 25 years now.

i would have to say that im not so shy i just dont pick up on obvious hints im bi im bear but when it comes down to it i cant pick up some one if my life depended on it lol but i think people are shy because there is always the fear that u might make a mistake and look like a fool in front of everybody or might be singled out in a crowd it happend to me when i said"im bi so what" like fifty pairs of eyes just stop on you. (very scary especialy when everyone shuts up and does it)

maybe many bears are shy because they don't realize that other people like them just the way they are - for example, i like all types of big burly hairy men - although i don't think i'm handsome or attractive to anyone - when i take an outside look - i pretty much fit the "big and burly and hairy" part... well, not so burly, but you get the idea - and i can't comprehend how i may be attractive to others as i find them attractive to me...if that makes any sense...

it makes me shy because when i see others i like - i usually do not see them at gay places - but in real life situations such as the grocery store, or the post office, or passing someone on the highway - how do you say "hi" to these people without being outcasted or at least beaten up for flirting or just being gay - let alone what you look like...

how does one know who and who not to hit on?

i think that's what makes me shy

otherwise, when there is no attractiveness involved, for me, its pretty easy to say hi and make friends with anyone - its the cute ones im afraid of
lol

I feel for all the Bears who don't beleive me when I say to them they are really cute, woofie, handsome, etc. Its a hard ingrained feeling/attitude for you guys to get over I know, but kindly try! I am still single after all these years of wanting friendship and with some of you much more! I help people through alot of hang-ups they have with great success, but I am not here to solicite, but to make friends and eventually find a great love-Bear. So, kindly accept that some of us adore and are pleased by your size and lets help each other become more healthy about it all.

Chibear wrote:

So, kindly accept that some of us adore and are pleased by your size and lets help each other become more healthy about it all.

hear hear!

I feel content about what i am, or am not.but at my age most other people wont be if i told them.its more the sense of rejection i would face if i told any one that stops me finding a partener.