I grew up in a large central florida city, where I spent most of the time doing everything boys did played sports, rode bikes, and got into fights. The only promblem "I was GAY". You never could have told, hell nobody could.

The issue came when I went to high school. See were i'm from your high school is based on how good your football team is. And sadly enough you are too! Either you were on the football team or you werent and if you are on the team, your a star or your just on the team simple as that. At the time this didnt bother me. The truth I loved it. See I was different, no I dont mean my sexual preference I mean me. My school had a African-American majority and for a white guy to make the team not bad, but for me to make it and also start was even bigger. So just by trying out for the team got me to the second level of stardom. I know it sounds silly but theres alot of people that take high school sports very seriously.

I didnt take me long to make my mark, as a freshmen i made it into the starting varsity defense. Now thats even bigger, and very uncommon were im from. By the time my sophmore year rolled around I was defensive capatin and had already appeared in the newspaper. But dont forget this whole time I was still attracted to men and no it hasnt changed. I had every thing a young man wanted, for a while you would have thaught I was a national icon it was ridicuolus. But I still felt empty and the party scene was rageing, Every I went there was an entrouge and the girls pratically threw themselves on me. Yes, at the time I did take advantage of this but my thrist was never satisified.

At a young age I always would stare a big man down. Espically some of the guys on the team drove me nuts. Of course I never told them that! But as time went on I found someone, but again there was a curve ball thrown at me again. He was 27 me I was 17 soon to be 18 in 2 months. He was the only person that knew, actually no one knew about him. I built up the nerve to ask him I guess you can say it was a "Gut" feeling. But still I couldnt come out because of the status held over my head, at times it scared me that someone could possibly find out and soon they did. My parents to be exact, they saw my phone bill and it showed who I had talked to and for how long. To them it didnt add up, "Why was I talking with him so much, espically in the middle of the night". The day they confronted me was bad and not to mention the months after. Mind you all of this took place 2 weeks before my so called "star" senior season. My father had the nerve to slap me he wanted to fight I guess but I didnt, even though I wanted to. I saw this hurt him I tried to explain but his mental capabilities just wouldnt graspe that one man could love another.
So I went on a quest to make him think it was a phase, I only did this to make my stay at home easier and it worked. My father is still in denial, and only a select few know the truth. Those in my family that foubd out that night I guess forgot about it are choose not to accept it. Still to this day I cant come out in public for my jib would be serverly hurt. But maybe one day just Maybe!

gosh - i hear it is truly tough in Georgia... do you think once you leave the parents' home you would come out?

only you can decide when you are ready

i'm 20 now, that was 2 years ago and my family is still in florida. I now live in georgia and my job would be greately affected if I came out. I pretty much put on a show. There have been times when i've seen a good looking man and something tells me there gay, but I cant approach them because i'm with something I work with!

what do you mean "because im with something i work with" ?

i know i am still like that when it comes to approaching men - i want to come up to someone and say hi and i believe i psych myself out in thinking that they should just respond to me because i am "me" rather than maybe they feel the same way and perhaps i need to respond to them? but that is the ultimate question - what if?

i know it's definately more difficult to approach a man rather than a woman - for a woman won't tend to bash you or hunt you down like some people might....

your a stronger man then then me 8byabear. i doubt ill cope that well....